Murphy's cowboy action shooting (CAS) laws

Most cowboys know of Murphy’s Law, what they may not know is that Murphy, in his wisdom, wrote his law's for CAS long before it came into existence.

Back then CAS wasn’t yet a proven science or art form like it is today and things could actually go wrong with firearms, ammo, stage props, spurs, etc. and some cowboys, as hard as it is the believe, actually missed.

It was for these reasons that Capt. Murphy wrote his famous law's for Cowboy Action Shooting. They are listed below in no particular order so-whatever.

• No matter how the plate is positioned, fragment will always reflect forward towards the stage.
• The most expensive and hard to find (38-40/32-20) cartridges will always land forward of the firing line.
• No matter which side the buckle is on; spurs can be put on backwards and upside down.
• If it’s dark outside boots will always go on the wrong feet.
• If it’s daylight outside boots will always go on the wrong feet.
• The whiter the hat the deeper the mud hole that it falls into.
• Feet will always swell on the night of the banquet when you have on your tight fitting, dress boots.
• If stopped by a cop for a broken tail light on the way to a meet the first thing he will always ask is; are there any weapons in the car?
• All cops who stop cowboys going to or from a meet never have a sense of western humor.
• Don’t ever try and joke around with a cop when you are transporting 8+ guns and 1000+ rounds of ammo to or from a Club called, Vigilante Colt Justice Shooting Club.
• Under the above mentioned laws always try substituting - Old Western Texas Poets Sonneteer Society for Vigilante Colt Justice Shooting Club.
• The first time you’re running real late is the first time the safety meeting will actually start on time.
• A secure, drop proof, gun holster really isn’t
• The time you locate that gun you’ve always wanted at a price far below market value for cash only right then is the time you will have forgotten to visit ATM before leaving home and the two pards behind you will be waving greenbacks at the seller.
• When it’s time to leave for the airport to your first EOT, and all your pards are waiting in the is car, that’s the time the safe will refuse to open and the only safe/lock smith within 50 miles is on vacation and your CAS friend, Yellow Dog Tick, will be fresh out of dynamite.
• Green, pink & yellow really do make a smart looking cowboy outfit for pards, pardettes & horses.
• Green, pink & yellow dress suit not a good choice for work, church, weddings, trial, funerals, job interviews, etc.
• If you say anything at all to a cowboy with blue hair, orange beard, wearing green, pink & yellow outfit it would be in your best interest to tell him he’s a right handsome looking buckaroo vaquero.
• If you call an armed cowboy a buckaroo, be absolutely sure that the B doesn’t sound like a V or F.
• A cowboy packing two Colts and carrying a double can wear any thing he dang well pleases.
• Osauma Ben Lauden has never seen the movie, “The Wild Bunch.”
• One flat bed trailer loaded with armed cowboys really can depose Castro on Friday, Sadam Hussain on Saturday with time left over for a banquet Saturday night on the Rivera.
• The game of “Cowboys and al Qaeda” has never been played.
• Ear plugs will be instantly remembered after the first report of a 26+ round stage shot inside a small building.
• A timer reading showing a negative number proves that cowboys really can go faster than the speed of light which makes Einstein a waddy.
• Stealth Bullets only work in stealth guns on a stealth stage being shot by a stealth cowboy or cowgirl.
• If the last shot for a clean match is a mandatory knock down, when hit, it will never go down.
• If you are winning the match with a stock Ruger and ahead by. 25sec., on the last shot the hammer will always slip.
• You always know it’s time to stop reloading and come to bed when your wife calls out for a DQ for failure to engage.
• The cost of a real Colt always equals two or more (2) SS checks.
• No matter how many carts you have, you will always have the urge to build just one more.
• No matter how many carts you have made that were based on years of CAS experience, some new pard on his first time out will have a better one.
• Gun carts are addictive, the only known cure is to build a factory and hire help for the mass production of your last and perfect cart.
• No cart is ever perfect.
• No matter how wide the tread and how big the tires, your cart will tip over at Tin Star Ranch.
• Cowboys and boys who ice.
• skate and dance to show tunes are the only real men authorized to wear rhinestones.
• If you carry oxygen for a pick-me-up before stage time, some fool will always use it to strike a match on to light his cigar.
• Modern day cowboys really don’t roll their own. (think about it)
• Modern day cowboys really do yell, YAHOO DOT COM.
• The cost of new CB equipment will always equal your checking account balance.
• If you ask the cost of playing CAS you probably can’t afford it.
• No matter how many times they are cycled at home, New guns will always lock up at first match.
• No matter how many times they are cycled at home, used guns will always lock up at first match.
• All guns, no matter how many $$$$ spent on them for action jobs, will always lock up.
• Action jobs really aren’t.
• If used, sun block will always get into your eyes while shooting the longest and most difficult stage.
• If used, Sun block will always get into your eyes.
• Your expensive, new safety shooting glasses will never have the right correction for CAS work.
• If the stage calls for a reload off body, your extra bullet will always be on your cart.
• If stage calls for extra bullet to be loaded off your body, that will be the one you drop and the only one in that caliber that you have on you.
• If stage calls for reloading off you body, the first and sometimes the second cartridge you pull out of your pouch will always be the wrong caliber.
• When the above happens the cowboy will always try and load it anyway.
• The wrong caliber for you rifle will not chamber but it will always fit thru the loading gate and jam under the carrier.
• 38 caliber bullets will go thru the loading gate of a W32-20 rifle and jam.
• 45 long Colts will go thru the loading gate of a 45-70 and jam.
• You can always ID a Marlin man by the screw drivers he carries in his ammo belt loops.
• Screws on a Marlin really can’t be over stressed.
• Screws on a Winchester that are over stressed will always strip out.
• Lock tight really isn’t.
• Secure, fail proof, Tang sights will always fall down.
• If the stage calls for 10 rifle rounds the rifle will always jam on first round.
• f the rifle is the first gun to be used on a stage it will always jam on the second round.
• Your spare gun will never work when needed for that purpose.
• Modern day Stag grips really aren’t.
• Modern day real ivory grips really aren’t.
• Hard wood grips will crack the first time the gun is mishandled.
• Grips guaranteed to fit really don’t.
• Clean black powder really isn’t.
• A 42 inch gun belt can never be stretched far enough to fit around a 48 inch waist.
• Loose gun belts will always fall off going down stage steps while on the timer.
• All BP shooters by nature have really small, tight nipples.
• With age all BP shooters will have large nipples that sag.
• All CB guns have the inherent ability to be staged unloaded.
• There really are stage gremlins who move your guns, takes rounds out of them or put more in, rigs props to not work and who move targets out of harms way just as the trigger is pulled.
• Don’t ever try to shoot a stage gremlin, they smell real bad.
• A hair trigger really isn’t.
• Peep sights don’t.
• Peep sights will always fill up with crud.
• If you run out of shots shells on a stage and a cowboy hands you his, they will always be the wrong gauge.
• Cowboys are the only known Homo sapiens who can laugh out loud at themselves and not be considered committable.
• The only thing a cowboy loves more than his horse is another horse.
• Don’t ever kiss another cowboys horse, he will not like it and they tend to kick.
• After feeling the finish on a CBs gun it would be best not to tell him; it’s as soft as a babies butt.
• Don’t ever talk harsh about a cowboys Mother, dog, truck, bass boat, horse, collection of guns or his selection of chew.
• No CB has ever admitted being a Democrat.
• All CB shooters are proven, professional gamblers.
• Betting on a stage is always a sucker’s bet.
• All cowboys like to gamble, even when they know they can’t win.
• Cowboys never have money to gamble with; on the way into town.
• Their horse won it all.
• In 5-card draw always count the cards six times before accusing an armed CB of holding more than 5, that way you’ll have a better feel and appreciation for the number 6.
• Cowboys and boys who skate and dance to show tunes are the only real men authorized to wear rhinestones.
• Storm proof tents used for SAS camping really aren’t.
• All CAS tents leak and the leak will always be directly above the bedding material of the tenants or his guns.
• An RV transporting 6 cowboys and their equipment to an annual CAS meet is really an RT - Rolling Thunder.
• 38s really aren’t wimp loads unless you actually shoot a wimp.
• Don’t ever shoot a wimp; they will not die and will just lie there and whine, cry, moan, groan and carry on forever.
• 38s really aren’t mouse guns; their hands are too small to reach the trigger.
• Horse blinders really don’t.
• All cowboys who wear a shot shell, bra belt also know all the Broadway show tunes.
• All cowboys who insist on wearing a shot shell bra belt will always be wearing rhinestones or sequins and have shinny guns with mother of pearl grips.
• Gen. George Patton really did say that about pearl grips and it‘s true.
• Elvis, dressed like a cowboy in white leather, really has been seen at EOT.
• If you think you saw Elvis at EOT dressed in white leather, he really was there and ten cowboys will back you up no matter what.
• If you’re absolutely positive that you saw slick willie (BC) at a SASS meet dressed as a cowboy packin’ heat, always keep it to yourself and never mention it; cowboys don‘t cotton to crazy people.
• No matter how good you are with a long-range rifle, you can never hit the Marfa, Texas lights.
• Only cowboys can wear yellow leather boots and not get noticed real hard.
• All cowboys wearing yellow, leather boots, study the ground real hard before dismounting.
• Spurs really do help in obtaining more traction for action.
• Just like guns, spurs really can lock up.
• Cross draw holsters tend to make a cowboy a switch hitter or a good Broadway dancer.
• Two holsters worn on same side always makes a cowboy a switch hitter.
• Not all cowboys can operate a jig but they all know how to dance to one.
• If MapQuest shows the range to be north of interchange xxx, it will always be south, requiring another 15 minutes to next interchange turn around.
• The night before you leave you will always loose you CAS Checklist for stuff to “Not Forget.”
• All computers are biased against cowboys and will always dump whatever it was you were saving for CAS work; Bill designed them that way.
• On any other day, you can't stay awake long enough to finish watching the news, but the night before a CAS shoot you will always not be able to sleep even if you were hit over the head with the butt end of your shooting irons!
• Squib loads really aren‘t made by Squib.
• No matter how many months the fantastic hamburger griller has sold lunches at your home range, he will never be there when you forgot your lunch.
• No matter how carefully you load your ammo, the stage with the one chance only, 30 second bonus will always be a dud.
• The cinch will break on the saddle.
• Bridle’s don’t belong in the honeymoon suite unless the Bride is really weird.
• Cowboys should never invite their horse into the Brides bedroom, see above.
• The slicked up rifle action job that feels so good dry firing at home will never eject shells during the match and if it does they will go into your eye or over your safety glasses and down your collar.
• That new, big, expensive, cowboy hat will always obscure your vision of the front sights of your rifle, but you will look good wearing it.
• Puncture proof, pneumatic tires on your cart really aren’t.
• If you use hard rubber tires they will fall off.
• If you spend an extra ordinary amount of time developing a list of things NOT to forget when going to the upcoming Regional or National match, the day of packing for the match, you will have lost the list.
• If your CAS list is on your computer it will never give it up without a knock down, drag out, USB fight.
• After laying out everything in preparation for the next day's match, including the new.38 pistols & rifle, you will always, out of habit, grab the .45 ammo!
• If you forget or pack the wrong ammo, that will always be the caliber the club vender will be out of.
• When needed, the closest Wal-Mart will always be in the next county.
• If your rifle and handguns are not the same caliber you will always get them mixed up at least once. The harder your rifle is to dismantle the more likely and often this is to happen.
• An easy shot really isn’t.
• The only time an easy shot can be called easy is after it’s been hit.
• Golf carts used as gun carts are still golf carts and we all know what that means.
• Clay birds launched from a taut spring are going about 60MPH. A driven golf ball travels about 250MPH. Don’t ever bet that you can hit a golf ball with a shot gun before dark unless you really don’t need that shoulder any more.
• Electric powered gun carts don’t really need push handles.
• The battery on an electric cart will always go dead at the stage furthest away from your vehicle.
• Gun safes really aren’t.
• A safe gun is really an oxymoron.
• Only morons consider a safe gun exclusively safe.
• Mulligan’s in CAS do not exist and should never be called out by the shooter.

[ Home ] [ News ] [ Membership Info ] [ Member App ] [ Rules ] [ Events ] [ Range Locations ] [ Members ] [ Cowgirls ] [ Western Humour ] [ Links ] [ Archive ]